18 Oktober 2011

i never knew or i never thought that will coming,i just wanna share my feeling now,not my story goes on.because its too much painfull to be retell...my feelings now is,so upset,so embarassed,so disapointed,and was so feel unconfident,
and once again so phatetic.
i relize and i know how far i can do and how long i can be a rival,for love its depend on my enemy,if she more ugly than me,then i will stand and hold up but if she more beautyfull,i done dude....
i know that we cant judge the people from they physic,but its reallity that a boys always do that.
ins't ?

9 Oktober 2011

dear blog,
i know I've been to much....i don't behave like a good girl,I'm sorry,I'm regret that...but i know i will do that again,i don't know whats wrong with my heart,because when i have a relationship with a boy,and i don't love him,.i will be so cruel to him,hurt him,but don't leave him...so i just play with him,i know its not a good thing,and i know the karma...but i don't know why i did that.may be because i cant make a decision.that was my weakness,sometimes my weakness are hurt,it can hurt somebody else,and even hurt my self....
i wanna be single,but i wanna have a boyfriend either...so whats the solution supposed to be? a solution which don't need a decision ? anybody knew ? cause i don't...
tomorrow is my birthday,and I'm sad for that day because what happen today....
more bad,tomorrow is my seventeenth birthday,pretty phatetic...

8 Oktober 2011

okay,its been a long time i don't speak about my life,my true life...not only my sadness love story...today i trough my day with usually...
i just say anything goes usually,except the several things.you know what?
this thing,write my diaries like this make my heart sad,because it was like revealed all my sadness...
make everything complicated...
i don't want it,but i just enjoy it,let it flow again...hey,anyway,its almost my sweet seventeen birthday,i don't want anything special,just let it usually...i don't have a special interest..
i just expecting something surprised.something good.. :)

30 september 2011

well,here i am again....
today im teaching in my school,and my day was like usually,i think im getting usually with my thight schedule...well,i think,i just think that this is just a beginning,something worst and more busier will coming after this over and over...
i know life is never flatt.it normal yeah ... really
my friend says that be a kindergarden teacher is funny,well,thats true,i have a lot of fun,so far...just in case that might be something happens in the future,and i change my mind about my job...
however i dont really wants that be happen...but life is never flat isnt ??

here are the picture ive take with my student when we have an dancing extraculicular....

29 september 2011

i through my day normally....
i don't have something special,well today my laugh is less than yesterday,i don't know why,i just feel more bad today...
well today,i talk to the guy in my class,his name is ''SC''...he is a quite guy in the class,but i think its not when i talk to him,hes pretty talkative..well he told me about his ex girlfriend,we talk so much thing...
but once again,i hate this guy because he look the girl from physically ...i hate a man with that type...

yes may be because I'm ugly and I'm not a good looking person,i never had a confidence ....
and once again i said...
i am pathetic..
:(:(:(

28 september 2011

hmmh....i am labil.
well its normal in my age , i know...
hmmh,why i said that,because im gettin back with my boyfriend...well he keep asikng me to not break up,,uurrgh...i think ive been on my final decision.well yes,im know i am the one who foolish by him.but well,you dont been through what ive been through any way....
but this moment,i realize that he was work very hard to keep me on his side,to make me love him,and to do anything which made me happy..
well that impressing but not surprising...espsecially for someone like him,i knew from the first time that he will act like that.
well ummm...the problem is,i dont know,can i love him,or just be loved by him.
well.thats better than nobody wants to be loved you.
coz thats what happens when i love someone....the one who i love was never loved me,the way i did.
its pathetic ,, i know...:(:(:(


i always sad do i ? because  for me its easier to told the harder then to told the easier...
hhmmhhh....im fuckin freak am i? hahahaha.....

27 september 2011

Today,i through my day like i did yesterday,but the different,i realize that i so confused....

i loved sorry,i like too many guys in a week,that's was fatal.that was my weakness.i can love a boy even in one conversation,well that's not mean that i cant be loyal.yes i can,of course.i am very loyal,cause i know every single thing that we do,these always a paid for that.

but i still can make this fucking thing disappeared.so i decided to ended my relationship with my boyfriend,i told him the truth.cause,the fact i never love him,i just like him.i don't wanna pretend to love him cause its will Be same with be a liar,i don't want to be a liar,cause i don't like to be lie off...

i felt so guilty,and i know he was so route to me.but i am fucking confused of what i have gonna do.i don't wanna be a liar,but don't wanna made him so mad...
i feel my hole life was suck
even sometimes i hate everybody around me... :(:(:(